My 7-year-old daughter is extremely concerned with how she looks at all times. Even though we constantly reassure her that who she is as a person is more important than what she looks like, she still seems consumed with making sure her outfit and hair are perfect before she leaves for school. How do we get her to become a little less concerned with her physical appearance without causing harm?
Research suggests that some children may begin to worry about their physical appearance as early as age 3 to 5. Body image develops at a surprisingly young age and is often unrealistic, and stereotypically gender biased. Kids learn about body image from a variety of sources including parents, peers, and the media. So, you might want to get curious about what messaging your daughter is being exposed to.
Children learn so much from watching us and so much of a child’s self-esteem is influenced by the same-sex parent’s relationship with their own self-image and self-esteem. I would encourage you to reflect on what you might be modelling through your own behaviors. Are you comfortable with a more relaxed appearance or does your daughter see you spend time each day putting on make-up, doing your hair, and changing outfits multiple times before leaving the house because nothing looks quite right? What statements might she be hearing from you and what conversations might she be overhearing that adults are having around her? Are you perhaps making negative comments about your own appearance without even thinking about it?
We should also think critically about what media our child is being exposed to. What tv shows or adverts children are watching, and what role models they are looking up to. We might even want to consider what toys our child is playing with, and what messages these toys and media are giving our child about body image. One obvious example being the unrealistic and gender stereotyped messaging about appearance children internalize from Barbie dolls and similar toys.
We can also get curious with your daughter about what messages she is hearing elsewhere. Perhaps other children in school are discussing body image, or maybe other adults are making comments about their own appearances or the appearances of others.
Messaging matters. We want children to grow up with an understanding that worth is not based on image, and how a person treats others is more important than how they look.
Here are some ideas:
- Try to change the language you use to reflect the function of bodies rather than their appearance. “My stomach grew my babies.” “My legs are great for walking and running.”
- Praise your child’s effort, their determination, their perseverance, rather than praising task outcome. This will discourage perfectionist tendencies which can also get tangled-up in bodily and self-image
- Compliment others on their qualities rather than their appearance.
I think the challenges parents are facing to raise children with healthy body image have never been greater and, as a result, I think we all have a lot of work to do on this topic. Thank you for your question.
