My 1-year-old daughter immediately screams when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she always wants to be carried around the house. How do I provide for her emotional needs without teaching her she can get what she wants by misbehaving?
So as a mother of not one, but two “koala babies” I feel your (back) pain!
Those early years of parenting are physically tough. And nobody talks enough about the very real need of little ones to be held, to be carried, and to be close. Particularly during the first year when they are “attaching through the senses.’ During this period, they will want to be touching you, to be touched by you, to smell you, to hear you.
Humans are a carrying species.
Human babies are born remarkably immature when compared to other mammals; they simply are not capable of surviving without remaining close to their attachment figures, so, as incompatible as carrying may feel to our modern lives, its biologically normal.
With that in mind, I would consider reframing your daughter’s behavior for yourself. At one, infants have limited communication skills and therefore a limited repertoire of ways to make their needs known. I would view her screaming as communication rather than misbehavior, and recognize that wanting to be held, to be close to you, may feel like an urgent need to your child.
The answer to separation alarm (which is what your little one is communicating) is always to increase connection, not to enforce separation.
It can be helpful to get creative about ways that you can invite your daughter into the tasks that need to be done around the house. Using a baby carrier can be really helpful for many families or investing in a learning tower or helper stool may help.
Whilst your daughter’s behavior is normal, there are many occasions when we cannot meet our child’s intense need for closeness. At those times, rest assured that it is okay to hold your boundary. It is okay to not pick your child up if you are cooking or carrying too much already, and her big feelings that come out as a result of you holding that boundary are okay too.
