Puberty can be a scary and confusing time for your son.
It’s full of physical, mental, and emotional changes, which might lead to feelings they don’t know how to regulate yet. As such, you might view their behavior as acting out and rebelling.
Fortunately, we now have access to so many resources that show us what should be expected when a boy is in puberty. Even better, we have guidance as mothers on how to deal with them even when we feel that our patience has been stretched too thin.
First, let’s talk about what’s actually happening to your son.
Some time between 9 and 14 years of age, puberty will hit. During this stage, your son’s testes will produce more sex hormones to prepare their bodies for adulthood… yikes! He may start to have oily skin and hair, increased sweating and body odor, and a growth spurt.
Additionally, he’ll probably experience hair growth in the pubic, underarm, and facial areas. And his voice will start to crack at first, and then it will get deeper.
Psychologically, he’s probably start to develop feelings of desire and attraction. This can add to the overwhelming feelings he’s experience during this transition period. Moms know that puberty is no fun for girls – but it’s not that great for boys either.
What’s with the attitude?
Puberty only lasts for a couple of years, but it will undoubtedly seem longer, especially when your son is irritable and argumentative. But try to keep in mind, his brain isn’t fully developed yet, and he may not know how to manage his emotions.
Knowing this, it’s all the more crucial for us to be more patient and understanding of what he’s going through. At this age, he doesn’t need a disciplinarian – but a coach who will help him navigate and overcome the hurdles of life.
Common behaviors and attitudes
Seeking more independence
Adolescence is a time when children start getting to know the world in a different way. They’re figuring out their preferences and learning more about themselves as individuals. Naturally, this will include testing boundaries with authority figures, including their parents and teachers. Establishing good communication and compassion with your son will help him understand that you are not just an authority figure, but an advocate for him. More importantly, good communication will help him understand that the boundaries you set as a parent are for his health and safety.
Experimenting with risky behavior
Wanting independence goes deeper than being in control of what he wants to wear. Your son may want to establish his autonomy by experimenting with risky behavior. He may dip his toes in sex, alcohol, and, worse, drugs. Although it’s alarming as parents to discover our sons drinking or engaging in sexual activities, it’s actually normal for them to be curious about these things.
However, that doesn’t mean that you should give him free rein to do whatever he wants to do. As a mother, you should still be there to reinforce rules and remind him not to make mistakes that will cause permanent damage to his life.
Instead, establish good communication with him as early as possible. This may mean setting aside time to talk with him personally and, more importantly, listening to him. Kids today face more complex challenges that we did in our teen years. Listen to him actively so you know when to give advice or just to lend a listening ear. It will take a bit of practice, but the effort will be worth it.
Mood Swings
The hormone production in your son’s body will probably also cause mood swings. Don’t be surprised if you see him happy for a second and then aggressive and argumentative the next. Often, he won’t understand what’s happening to his body and mind either. Once a mood swing is over and everyone is calm, it’s ok to explain to him that it’s normal to have mood swings and that he can always turn to you if he needs someone to talk to.
Wrapping it up.
It takes a lot of patience and kindness to deal with your son’s attitude during puberty. But this is part and parcel of being a mother. It’s important that we educate ourselves and be prepared for this stage in our children’s lives. With the right boundaries in place, you can have a great relationship with your son, even through the ups and downs of puberty.
