This week we are reviewing a new book called, Mommy’s Time! It is a bright and cheerful book geared for younger children that aims to explain why mothers sometimes need time away from their children. The illustrations are colorful and inviting and it is an easy read. Most parents with small children have experienced meltdowns when attempting to leave for work, a meeting, the gym or a date. Our little ones do not always understand why they cannot always come with us! In this easy-to-read book, author Kristen King Jaiven talks about why mommy’s self-care is important too. We follow a mother as she goes through a variety of activities and tasks many prefer to do alone. At the end of the book, mom returns home to spend uninterrupted, focused time with her son, reminding him that he is loved and cared for.
I love what this book stands for. It stands up for the notion that sometimes mothers need time away to restore balance and remain physically and mentally healthy. It’s an important for people of all ages to learn, that self-care and living a balanced life is indeed important.
I caught up with Kristen to get her take on what inspired her to write the book.
What inspired you to write this book?
KJ: Two occasions that happened when I was a new mom struggling to find balance between work and motherhood led to the creation of Mommy’s Time. The first occasion involved a cup of coffee. When my son was born, my fitness routine went out the window. I was a very active pre-motherhood and even taught occasional yoga classes early in the morning before going into my attorney job. After my son was born, stroller walking was about all the activity I did. Eventually, I began doing HIIT class on Saturday mornings. The class was fifty minutes and close to home, so I could get there and back in an hour. At first, I rushed home because I always worried someone needed me, but I always arrived home to find my husband and son doing their thing – they did not need me. So I started to grab coffee to-go at the coffee shop next to the HIIT studio. Again, my family didn’t seem to notice the extra ten minutes. Finally one day, I ordered my coffee and sat down to drink it in the coffee shop. I sat there quietly and did nothing else but drink coffee and watch the hustle and bustle of the shop. It dawned on me that I never just sat and drank coffee – I always drank my coffee while working or paying bills or doing something else productive. That moment of nothingness taught me that in the chaos of new motherhood, I needed moments of nothing to reset.
The second occasion was a night out to eat with a group of new moms I recently met (all good friends to this day). I ate dinner while my husband tackled bedtime. I had (and still have) a very bad sleeper. Nighttime was the worst – colic, day/night mixup – everything that could make sleeping a challenge happened in our house. So one night I went out with my new group of mom friends. We ate hot meals, had a drink, talked about life (even non-baby subjects), and ordered desert. Shortly after I got home, my son woke up (the first of many evening wakings). Usually, these constant wakings would frazzle me but I was calmer that night. As I nursed him and rocked him back to sleep, I kept thinking moms need moments away. I came up with the rough outline of Mommy’s Time that night while rocking him.
What lessons are you hoping children will learn from reading the book?
KJ: I hope children learn that it is impossible for their moms to give them constant, undivided attention and that the time their mom spends away (whether physically separated or just focusing on a different task) is necessary. In the book, mom spends her time taking care of herself first, so that she has the health (including mental health) and energy to take care of all the things. Next, she spends her time on all the things she has to do to take care of her family, including work in, and outside of, the home. The book ends by ensuring that mom will always make time for fun and will always be there when the child really needs it.
The second thing I want children to learn from the book is what their moms do for work or fun. I find our children see us only as moms, and moms have so much more depth. My son and I recently started talking about what I do as a lawyer – he doesn’t understand it yet but at least we discuss.
Mommy’s Time has an Author’s Note at the end of the story that works as talking points for moms and children to explore these two points.
Tell us about your illustrator and what inspired the images
KJ: Katie Risor illustrated Mommy’s Time. Katie is a children’s book author and illustrator that works in Texas. Katie is a brilliant creative who truly brought Mommy’s Time to life. Each illustration in Mommy’s Time was hand painted. The first painting Katie completed was the spread with mom and son walking through town to get to school. That was the first painting Katie envisioned and it set the stage for the rest of the illustrations. This important painting gives a nod to moms doing the things they love (see a mom reading on her porch and a mom in her greenhouse). The sequential nature of the book helped to tell the story of time in a more direct way – starting in the morning then going to after school activities and ultimately ending with mom drawing in her studio after her child goes to sleep. This first scene is also where Katie landed on the lavender, pink, and yellow pallet used throughout the book.
What do you find to be the most challenging thing about being a mom?
KJ: The hardest thing about being a mom – especially a new mom – is navigating all of the spoken and unspoken expectations imposed on us by our friends, family, and society. There is no way to do it right, and everyone has an opinion. Motherhood feels less daunting when you insulate yourself from unsolicited advice. Personally, I’ve tried to free myself from the expectation that children should be involved in countless hours of activities. I have a two activity per week rule, and I refuse to do organized sports on Sundays (at least for now).
What is your favorite thing about being a mom?
KJ: Creating new traditions! It is the absolute best. Sometimes you don’t even know you created a new tradition until your child reminds you it is Sunday, and we have pancakes every Sunday. Holidays add a whole new level of fun to the creation of new traditions. There is nothing like a child’s joy and excitement around the holidays. I love the holidays so much more since my son was born.
What advice would you give to moms who say they don’t have time for self-care?
KJ: I think my first question would be whether the mom really does not have the time for self-care. I think there are situations and seasons where this is absolutely the truth. For moms in this stage/season, I say find your tribe and take a breath when you can. Whether it is family or your friends, everyone has to rely on the help of others. I am a big fan of taking turns with friends – you take their kids, then they take yours. This is especially helpful when they get older and love having friends over.
If you are a mom who maybe does have time for self-care but is hesitant to take it, see my coffee story. Take the fifteen minutes. Everyone will be OK! Fifteen minutes of quiet time can set the stage for both you (and your family) to normalize the time you take for yourself.
About Kristen King Jaiven
Kristen King Jaiven is a mom to four-year old Julian and two silly dogs, a loving wife, and lawyer. Kristen lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with her family. Kristen cherishes both the special moments she has with her son and the time she takes for her own well-being. MommyTime for Kristen is the time she spends reading a good book, doing yoga, or having coffee with friends. Learn more at www.kristenkingjaiven.com or kristen.king.jaiven on Instagram.
IG: @kristen.king.jaiven
Book IG: @mommystime.thebook
