“My 10 month old is due to be cared for by my mom when I return to work in a few months. My daughter protests if my mom even attempts to push the stroller. The thought of returning to work is weighing heavily on my mind and I don’t know what to do.”
Transitioning the care of our little ones to anyone, even a loved one, is a hugely emotional process. At 10 months this behavior is completely normal. Your Little One is probably still in the “discriminate attachment” phase when we often see protesting and clinging to avoid being separated from their most favorite person in the world. The good news is that lots of little ones enter the “multiple attachments” phase right around this age which means they will begin to show attachments to other caregivers including grandparents (hallelujah!). This can make separations easier.
What can you do now?
When you meet with your mom, let your little one see you and your mother engage in a loving and friendly interaction with each other first. This communicates to your daughter that you are in a positive relationship with this person. This is how we act as a “gateway” to their blossoming relationship. Your little one thinks “Mommy likes this person, so I like this person!” Your mom can then attempt to engage your daughter in a preferred activity like playing with a favorite toy or reading a book together.
When it comes to care routines (dressing, feeding etc.) your mom should observe initially. Then encourage your mom to do little pieces of care with you nearby (e.g. at bath-time you and your mom are in the room but your mom’s role is only to lift your daughter out of the bath and pass her to you). Build these caregiving routines up gradually.
Spend as much time as your can building separations up gradually. I usually recommend the first separation last no longer than 30 minutes. If your baby becomes distressed during that time then come back to her, comfort her, spend more time over the next few days with you, your mom, and your baby together before attempting another separation. Build on your successes and gradually increase up to the time that you need to be apart. Start with separations that won’t involve sleep and build up to your mom supporting your daughter to nap.
Take your time and hopefully you will all feel confident in your new rhythms soon.
