My teenage daughter is literally addicted to her phone. She facetimes with her friends and is on Tik Tok and Instagram all day on the weekends when she is home from school. We have had talks about taking the phone away and we make her check it in her room at night, but how do we teach her to enjoy her phone responsibly and get off of it every once in a while?
Phone use is an important issue for parents, and a really tricky issue to manage.
It is estimated that modern teens are spending around 7 hours per day on their phones. But, unlike a computer, laptop, or television which are typically contained in communal spaces in the home, and shared among family members, phones are ubiquitous. They go with our children to school, in the car, in their bedrooms… so how can we support a young person to find balance in their phone usage?
Similar to the advice I provided to another question around gaming, I would suggest where possible, discuss boundaries of usage prior to buying your child a smartphone. E.g., no social media apps, when at home smartphones are stored in a downstairs cupboard, smartphones are not allowed in the bedroom, or whatever rules feel comfortable and appropriate for your family. These rules are not a one-size-fits all.
I understand why you have talked about taking your daughter’s phone away from her, but one difficulty with threats can be that they pit us against our child, when we know from research that what is helpful is collaborating with our child.
So instead of threatening consequences that you are unlikely to follow through on (like removing the phone completely) or dictating limits on phone usage that you have decided upon independently, try sitting down with your teenager and describing what you have noticed. Voice your concerns about the extent of her phone use, voice your concerns that excessive use affects everyday functioning, and listen to her thoughts. Elicit her ideas about steps that could be taken to create more balance around use of her phone and see if you can work together to make small changes initially that you are both comfortable with. Your daughter is much more likely to cooperate with this type of approach and involving her is developing her own self-management skills.
And of course, look at your own screen-time habits, too.
Ask your child what their thoughts are on your use of technology and discuss ways that you can shift your own relationship with technology at home, too.
