My oldest is 10-years older than my baby and he’s feeling a little left out because, even though we’ve talked about it, he didn’t realize how much of my time and energy his little brother would need. What kinds of things can I ask him to help with or involve him in to help him feel connected to me and his little brother so he doesn’t keep feeling forgotten?
I took this question straight to an expert – my grand-niece Natalie who has an 18-month-old brother.
At 9-years-old, Natalie offered up sensible and straightforward advice. “Go do things with the older kid where the baby can tag along. Like go for walks or go get ice cream,” she suggests. “Have [the older child] help with what’s needed to get the baby to and from the activity, such as push the stroller on the walk or hold the baby while they eat ice cream.” Natalie’s mom said strangers often comment on how cute the siblings are, making the older kiddo feel proud of their efforts.
Managing attention is a scenario where babywearing is particularly handy.
A good wrap or sling allows parents to easily attend the older sibling’s sports events, school functions, or play dates. Baby easily tags along while also reaping the benefits of fresh air, sunshine and being comforted by the motion of the carrier.
Natalie also recommends establishing a special routine as another way to involve an older sibling. She likes reading a story to the baby each night. She said the parents can “talk about how important reading is for brain development and how they can help make their sibling smarter.”
Natalie’s mom cautions against making caring for the baby the only way to spend time with the older child.
And she suggests prioritizing time with each – sometimes with the older sibling and sometimes with the new baby. “Each child benefits from individual attention so it’s important to do things with the older one without baby in tow. And don’t worry, it gets easier to balance attention as the baby gets older.”
