My son is 3 years old and we still co-sleep. Not because we want to, but I think we just got into a habit. I’ve been trying to put him to bed in his own bed by trying to create a sleep-friendly space, but he still does not want to sleep in his room, unless my husband or I sleep in there with him. What can we do to help him transition to sleeping in his own room?
It sounds like you are off to a great start by making the room appealing to your son and conducive to sleep.
To break the accidental co-sleeping habit, you’ll want to create a plan that supports your son’s skill building around independent sleep so you can all get quality rest with the least amount of bedtime stress. Preschoolers thrive on knowing what comes next and what is expected of them, “though most will take their job of ‘boundaries quality control tester’ very seriously” says Kara Curtis, a sleep consultant with First Daze & Nightzzz. So first, start by getting clear on what the changes will be for your family.
Kara recommends the following steps to help you prepare for and execute on the transition:
1. Make a plan with your spouse.
Be clear on what you want nighttime to look and feel like for all three of you and what your expectations will be of your son and yourselves. Toddlers have a sixth sense for parental wavering and discord. Taking the time to create a united front and have a clear, agreed upon plan is key to staying consistent and avoiding undermining each other’s efforts.
2. Set expectations
Hold a “family meeting” to explain the change to your son. Keep it short, simple, and age appropriate. Hold the meeting during the day and not right at bedtime. Share what your expectations of him are and how bedtime and nighttime will look going forward. Let your son know that you will be there to help him as he’s learning to sleep all night in his own room. Some families find it helpful to create a bedtime routines book that uses photos or drawings to illustrate the nighttime activities and the child sleeping in his own bed as well as how you want him to handle using the bathroom, or other middle of the night needs. Invite your child to help create the book with drawings or pictures cut from magazines or printed off the internet.
3. Keep the bedtime routine consistent and time-bound.
Since three-year-olds can be creative masters of stalling and negotiation, keep the bedtime readiness tasks moving along in a predictable order. Drawn out bedtimes can lead to increased anxiety for both you and your child, so aim to make the routine loving and enjoyable while still being structured.
Once you implement the changes, stay consistent and committed.
Consistency is the secret sauce for creating healthy sleep habits so work together with your spouse to show your son that the new routines are here to stay.
