When is it appropriate to give my child a cell phone?

Every parent has a different idea about when it’s okay to give their child a cell phone. The pressure at school to fit in may play a role in that decision for your home. But is there a recommended age for this? And why?

about the doc

Dr. Kimberley Bennett has a Doctorate in Child, Adolescent and Educational Psychology. She has been a Registered Psychologist for 10 years. When not at her practice, she is a mother to two beautiful children. Her eldest was the inspiration behind The Psychologist’s Child. Becoming a mother taught her more than any of her professional trainings to date. Her highly sensitive son guided her down the gentle parenting path which has aligned so seamlessly with the theory and research that she studied and practiced throughout her Psychology career.

Dr. Bennett has a particular interest in Child Development, Attachment Theory, Interpersonal Neurobiology, Infant Mental Health, Positive & Gentle parenting.

You can find more of Dr. Bennett’s work on her website www.thepsychologistschild.com

I am struggling with when to give my child a cell phone. Her friends in 5^th grade all have them, but I have held out because I don’t want her to be addicted to the screen or get involved in all of the texting and bullying that comes with the smartphones. Am I doing more harm than good by not letting her fit in with her friends?

According to research, most children receive their first smartphone aged 11. At this age I don’t think it is reasonable to expect a child to self-manage their phone usage. Especially when we, as adults, struggle to manage our use of technology.

Research on this topic is fairly new, and there is very little data on the 1-10 age group and perhaps surprisingly, there are a lot of contradictory findings within the research for tweens and teens. A recent review of the literature on this topic highlighted that “minors” are most at risk for problematic phone use due to difficulties with self-regulation (their pre-frontal cortex isn’t developed enough to control their impulses). The review concluded that “strict parenting” seems to be one risk factor for problematic phone use and suggested that female adolescents seem to be prone to a higher smartphone addiction risk than male adolescents.

So, what do I suggest?

Invite your daughter into family conversations about her wanting a smartphone. Listen to her perspective and problem solve with her about her reasons for wanting a phone, what she would use it for, when she would use it, and how long she would have access to it each day.
Remember that this isn’t an all-or-nothing parenting decision. If you do decide to give your daughter a phone, there can and should be rules around this new responsibility. Negotiate to encourage her buy-in. Use this as an opportunity to discuss your concerns around bullying and agree on a plan as to how this will be avoided or how you plan to work through it together if it does present as an issue.
Agree to how their phone usage will be monitored. Perhaps it is agreed that parents can monitor messaging and social media engagement sporadically. Instagram, for example now has a “supervision” option for teens and their parents.

You can read more of my thoughts on this topic here

My teenage daughter is addicted to her phone. – All About the Mom