I’m pregnant with my first child and I am worried about my lifestyle changing after baby. My friends all seem to have their children on such strict schedules, and I don’t live my life that way. I would like to be able to take my baby out to dinner with my husband or with friends and have them adjust to my lifestyle. When I mention this to my friends, they say I am selfish. Is it really that important to have your baby on a schedule every day of their life? How is this sustainable?
First, I’m sorry that your friends resorted to judging you as selfish for wanting to find ways to do life with baby differently. What I know about parenting and raising children is there is NO one right way. I have clients who go out to dinner, travel, backpack and live very exciting lives WITH their babies and young children.
It sounds like you feel pressured to make decisions that may not be best for your family.
You will come across this feeling of “pressure” many times in the years to come. Learning how to handle it with grace, confidence and clarity will go a long way toward your peace of mind. That comes with listening to your gut as well as listening to your baby. The missing piece here is your child. You don’t yet know what kind of temperament they will have. Some babies are way more adaptable and flexible than others. Some need solid routines in place to function well and not have major meltdowns. I suspect this will all become clearer very soon when you get to know your new baby.
That said, infants and children thrive on routine, so keeping a consistent schedule as much as possible may mean a happier, well-rested child. Is there room for flexibility? Of course. Can your little one adjust to your lifestyle? To some degree, yes. But the science shows us that babies do have different sleep needs and schedules from adults. So, though you may enjoy taking your little one out to dinner on occasion, you may see the benefit of getting them to bed at a time appropriate for their age and having the evening alone with your spouse.
